Contest #1 - Funniest joke

Subject: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:23 pm

Ok ok, so every once and awhile I'm going to be doing little contests on the forums / servers to give away prizes (steam games).

For this week the contest is whoever posts the funniest joke wins a $15 steam game of their choice Very Happy

Ill pick a winner in uhhh.. 2 days! (Midnight on wednesday)

Note : It won't normally be $15, It just is for this first one to kick things off + get more forum activity + give someone a chance to get csgo! ALSO I KNOW PEOPLE WILL USE GOOGLE! but it still requires them to take the time to find a funny joke + actually know whats funny Smile

Posts : 1 Reputation : -3 Join date : 2012-09-10

The only word you should call a girl is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful.

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Posts : 4 Reputation : -6 Join date : 2012-09-09

WANA HEAR A JOKE!!!

ITS THE COMMUNITY LAWL

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:49 pm

Cosmo's heart problems

Posts : 4 Reputation : -6 Join date : 2012-09-09

listen joel biggie j

Posts : 6 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2012-09-09 Age : 30

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

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What do you call a black person flying a plane?

A pilot.

Posts : 1 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2012-09-10 Age : 31

Mickey and Minnie Mouse and having troubles in their relationship, so they decide to go see a marriage counselor. The counselor first talks with Mickey alone and then with Minnie to get their sides of the story individually.

Then he calls them both together. "Mickey, let's start with you. When we talked you expressed concern that Minnie was having mental problems. After speaking with her at length, however, I find absolutely no signs that she's having any troubles.."

Mickey abruptly interrupts him and says "What the hell are you talking about? I never said she was mentally ill!"

"Did you or did you not tell me you thought Minnie was crazy?"

Mickey yells "NO! I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Spoiler:

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A mother asked her little son "What is tomorrow?"...she wanted to show what he had learned in school that day before.

He answered "It's President Day"

She then asked him what does it mean? She was waiting for something profound from the little dude.

He looked up at me and very seriously said... "President's Day is when
President Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow
we will have 2 more years of unemployment"

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WHAT DO YOU CALL AN ALLIGATOR IN A VEST? .. AN INVESTIGATOR! LOLOALSKDJF

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:24 pm

What do you call a wondering nun?

A roman catholic...

or

How do you get Holy Water

You boil the hell out of it...

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:32 am

panda wrote:

Mickey and Minnie Mouse and having troubles in their relationship, so they decide to go see a marriage counselor. The counselor first talks with Micky alone and then with Minnie to get their sides of the story individually.

Then he calls them both together. "Mickey, let's start with you. When we talked you expressed concern that Minnie was having mental problems. After speaking with her at length, however, I find absolutely no signs that she's having any troubles.."

Mickey abruptly interrupts him and says "What the hell are you talking about? I never said she was mentally ill!"

"Did you or did you not tell me you thought Minnie was crazy?"

Mickey yells "NO! I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Spoiler:

GOOBY PLS

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A daughter and her mother were strolling through the park one day and they see a couple having sex on the bench. The daughter asks "What are they doing mommy?"
Surprised by the question she answers without really thinking "They're making a cake honey."

They then went to the zoo and she sees two monkeys doing the same thing. "What are they doing mommy?" The mother knew that she said they were baking a cake before and that she couldn't change it now so she answers "They're also making a cake sweetie."

The next day the daughter told her mother "I know you and daddy were making a cake on the couch last night." The mother answered "Why...How in the world did you know sweetie?"

And the daughter said with a great big grin on her face "Because I licked the frosting off the couch." :-).

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:50 pm

What's worse then 8 dead babies in 1 garbage can?

1 dead baby in 8 garbage cans.

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:23 pm

I was eating out this girl and halfway through I tasted some horse semen. "Wow," I said "so that's how you died, Grandma!!"

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A man walks into a bar, looking all bummed out, and orders a drink.

After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders
a few more drinks.

The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything
okay?"

The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't
speak to me for 31 days.

"The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."

"The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."

Posts : 2 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2012-09-12

Alright here it goes:

Get a girl in the doggy style position, finish that way. While finishing shoot your load completely over her head arching perfectly to land straight in front of her.

Immediately after it lands, judi chop her elbows out from under her, then push her through it like a snow plow.

That my friends, is the Kentucky Snow Plow

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Three midgets were sitting at a bar having a drink, when they all
started to discuss getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.

The first midget looked at his hands and said, gee – I have REALLY small
hands – I bet I can get into the record books with these tiny hands!

The second midget looked at his feet and said, gee – I have REALLY small
feet – I bet I can get into the record books with these!

The third midget, who just came back from the rest room, said; you know,
I have a REALLY tiny penis – I bet I can get into the record books with
that!

So the three of them go to the Guinness Book of World Records headquarters and go inside to get judged…

The first midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later ecstatically
jumping up and down “YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST HANDS IN THE
WORLD!!!”

The second midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later and he is too
overjoyed screaming “YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST FEET IN THE
WORLD!!!”

The third midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later pissed off, looks
at his other 2 buddies and says; “WHO IN THE HELL IS JOEL GUTTMAN?”

Posts : 1 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2012-09-11

1:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

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2:

Three men are trapped on a deserted island. After spending a day searching, they are able to procure a crate of rum. For the first few hours after this find, they spend their time drinking away their sorrows, eventually becoming very drunk and content.

About halfway through, one of the bottles they grab suddenly sparks, and erupts with confetti. Within moments a Genie appears directly in front of them. "You have awoken me from my slumber, thus earning three wishes. Since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish", says the Genie.

The first man, a bit apprehensive, walks up to the Genie and says, "I wish to be back at my home with my family."
The Genie nods, snaps his fingers and the man disappears in a puff of smoke, teleporting directly back to his home and family.

The second man, a bit more eager, goes up to the Genie and says, "I wish to be back on the mainland with a new house filled with riches!"
The Genie nods, snaps his fingers and the man disappears in a puff of smoke, teleporting back to the mainland, into a brand-new house filled from edge to edge with gold.

The third man, who drank more than his fellow compatriots did, goes up to the Genie and says, "Boy, I really miss my drinking buddies... Can I have them back?"

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3:

Three guys are lost in a forest: the poorest man in the world, the loneliest man in the world and the man who has everything he wants.

After a time, they see a ditch, with a sign nearby that says, "The last thing you say before jumping off this ditch is what you will land in".

The poorest man in the world approaches it and says, "Wealth!"
He then jumps off the edge and lands in the largest pile of gold to ever exist in one place.

The loneliest man in the world approaches it and says, "Women!"
He then jumps off the edge and lands in the largest group of beautiful women, all fawning over him.

The man who has everything he wants ponders for a while. Unable to come up with anything he wants, he approaches the edge.
Just before jumping only two words leave his mouth, "Shit all."

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Thu Sep 13, 2012 12:48 pm

Lol alright a bit late but it was hard picking a winner tbh! A few of you actually had pretty funny jokes. Butttt, the one that made me laugh a little more than the rest would have to be Fatals.

Let me know what you wanna do with the prize Fatal!

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Danke

Posts : 2 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2012-09-10

all bade jokes

tbh

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Mon Sep 17, 2012 7:59 pm

dfa wrote:: all bade jokes

tbh

Post some better jokes then?

Subject: Re: Contest #1 - Funniest joke Sat Sep 22, 2012 4:43 pm

Bottom Fragger wrote:: Three midgets were sitting at a bar having a drink, when they all
started to discuss getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.

The first midget looked at his hands and said, gee – I have REALLY small
hands – I bet I can get into the record books with these tiny hands!

The second midget looked at his feet and said, gee – I have REALLY small
feet – I bet I can get into the record books with these!

The third midget, who just came back from the rest room, said; you know,
I have a REALLY tiny penis – I bet I can get into the record books with
that!

So the three of them go to the Guinness Book of World Records headquarters and go inside to get judged…

The first midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later ecstatically
jumping up and down “YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST HANDS IN THE
WORLD!!!”

The second midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later and he is too
overjoyed screaming “YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST FEET IN THE
WORLD!!!”

The third midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later pissed off, looks
at his other 2 buddies and says; “WHO IN THE HELL IS JOEL GUTTMAN?”

Winner.